Today's the day, exactly four years ago, that the man I married and my daughter's daddy went to heaven.
March 11, 2011. A day etched in my memory and containing the miracle of a man being called home. A miracle I'll always remember, along with all the heart aching details leading up to it.
...a day that would set a new stage for my little family's scene
...that would suddenly define me differently, as a single mom with a world of new roles and emotional tolls
...a day that would begin my weary walk as a young widow
Seems like a perfect time and place to unmask the culprit, Cancer.
Cancer: An uninvited, unwelcome visitor showing up unannounced, creating chaos (sometimes catastrophe) and leaving his messy remains for everyone else to repair. Cancer, a culprit of chaos.
For my family, he reared his ugly head in April 2010. He swiftly and devastatingly revealed himself, quickly multiplying his muscle, building himself up and tearing us down all in a matter of months.
Be still, my soul. For the mere thought of it causes quakes inside.
Would I be what or who I am today had I not lost my Beloved? Would I be just what I’m meant to be now without what happened then?
What has death done to me?
I ask with insides quaking and this strange, ironically welcomed heart aching. Greater quaking alongside a gratuitous quieting of my soul shaking. The quiet is God’s hands over my human hopes stilling my soul’s shaking.