I’m hungry. And last night I realized just how hungry I am. Not the body's stomach aching for anything physical but a deeper soul yearning that can’t be filled by food. Ironically, my lovely twist of fate that filled my home with such boisterous blessings the walls could burst sometimes forces my mind to move too fast. So fast I glaze over what I should be gazing at: all His goodness and grace mixed into my beautifully, blended family blessing! My feet obediently follow my mental race so I’m always sprinting, passing by precious moments of joy.
Has it ever happened to you? Blessings surround you yet your soul yearns to be filled up? DO you find yourself glazing over what you should be gazing straight in to?
Well, it’s where I am at times…shamefully starved from not noticing God’s meticulously scattered moments of grace! My soul longs to linger in slower, simpler times when it came naturally to stop and see His handy work woven into my days work. Back then I purposefully paused my pace enough to consume His soul-filling nourishment. Then, I felt full amidst less.
After a solid sixteen months at living in an upside-down routine (compared to my old, somehow slower single-mom life), I’m searching for new soul-satisfying habits. Because when my life took this wonderful turn, I gradually and unwittingly transitioned out of routine moments making me aware of His ever-constant presence. I gave permission to a faster pace to manage multiple personalities, make way for busier schedules and navigate my role as new wife and stepmom. Oh, how it pierces my heart to know I’ve lost a grasp on blessings I gained through my grief!
I didn’t even realize it until something made me remember.
This ‘something’ jarred my emotions and memory loose, to recall a time when God’s presence was so potent that time together with Him saturated my day. I read His Word and would silently write, pen spilling ink onto pages of my personal journal. Often I'd mentally step away to pray. I knew His hand was always holding mine, even in the most mundane moments. His existence was built into my bones!
Yeah, I remember now just how it felt. He crafted His goodness into my grief so at my lowest depth of despair I still saw light through Him. His nourishment somehow transformed the essence of my toughest journey into strung together moments of unexpected joy! His faithfulness filled the air I breathed allowing me to exhale in relief that my life didn’t die with my husband.
This ‘something’ reminding me of what I long to grasp again was watching a sweet new friend lose the love of her life. To cancer. With two beautiful daughters by her side. In some ways, I see my history in her story. Emotionally I’ve walked alongside her in a way few our age can fathom. God blessed me with my painful past so I humbly and hopefully cushion pieces of her torn-apart, excruciating present. God filled me up to the brim so I can spill His love and nourishment over on her.
Through her, GOD reminded me of a time when His comfort and wisdom were my only hope for nourishment. As I watch her walk into sweet widowhood, I hunger for the awareness of His presence I felt when I entered that world. I only survived well because of God’s peace piercing through all the pain giving me new purpose. Then when His plan for my life evolved to what it is now, remarried with a home overflowing, I slowly pressed His peace out in exchange for a new level of daily hustle.
Now I’m hungry. And I know what I hunger for because I’ve been there.
God triggered my attention by giving me this beautiful suffering friend to stand with. While perhaps it seems I bless her with genuine heartfelt empathy, truly God tapped me on the shoulder by bringing her to me. All at once, He let me hold her hand through this part of her story while urging me to pause my pace and more deeply sense His presence, to experience His sustenance.
My mind aches with joy remembering how His presence provides!
And I’ll keep starving if I don’t slow down enough for Him to nourish my soul in this new life of mine.
No list of to dos, self-inflicted demand or menial way to fill our days result in His heavenly rewards. Even in the busiest schedules, He saturates the atmosphere so He’s never too far to fill us up!
Ladies, daily demands don’t have to dim His light in our lives! I see now how circumstance doesn’t matter because He’s in every twist and turn in this rocky-life-ride. We simply must create space to feel moments of soul-sustenance.
If you’re hungry too, find moments to save your starving soul.Start simply breathing Him in and exhale to surrender. Together let’s find ways to satisfy our hunger and savor Him. Until we realize He’s the only One who permanently curbs nagging cravings, these aching pangs will persist.
Invite Him in each morning, call on Him with your first sip of coffee, thank Him for the sustenance of each meal,
mull the day over with Him as you drive, ask Him to fill the to do list.
I’m turning my attention to Him, grateful for both grief and goodness and everything in between because He’s built it all into my story to be used for His glory.
THANK YOU, my sweet new sister and friend, for re-teaching me a lesson with your life. Your journey is too hard for words…but know He’s using it to provide and satisfy the starving souls.